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Mummy Guilt
I have been off work for the last six weeks. When I was in work Squidge went to nursery two days a week to coincide with the two long days per week that I worked. Now I’m not in work he goes three days...
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Jumping Through Hoops
Yesterday I reached the end of my tether with the NHS mental health services. For the last ten years I have attended appointments, taken medication as prescribed, engaged with services and been...
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Mental Health Matters – Week Three
Apologies for the lack of a Mental Health Matters guest spot last Thursday, ironically (or not) my own mental health got in the way of blogging but hopefully it should be business as usual (at least...
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When Medical Opinions Differ (The Huffington Post)
Among the numerous healthcare professionals I saw during my pregnancy I saw not one, but two psychiatrists. The first psychiatrist I saw was attached to the local Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) and I was...
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Being an Introverted Mum
For the two months Squidge has been going to to nursery three days a week instead of two, meaning that our routine now goes like this; I look after Squidge on my own for two days, I go to work for two...
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When Panic Takes Over
I am trying to write so that I don’t dissolve into a full blown, meltdown panic attack. I’m not winning. I’m going to work tomorrow after only going back last week and although my first day back was...
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Days in the Doctors Mess – Tommy’s #talktosomeone Maternal Mental Health...
During my pregnancy, when my mental health was at it’s least stable I went through a phase of being unable to be left at home on my own. They thought of seemingly endless minutes and hours with only...
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What Do I Mean by Normal?
Every Friday I have an hour long session of counselling with a counsellor I’ve been seeing for around three years. I stopped seeing her for a couple of months when Squidge was about nine months old and...
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How Banana-geddon Wasn’t the End of the World (The Huffington Post)
Last week I did the nursery run on my own for the first time. This may not seem like a huge challenge but unfortunately, my brain doesn’t usually subscribe to such sensible things as logic. Although I...
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This Morning I Was Late for Work
This morning I was late for work. I’m sure we’ve all been there; you’ve slept through your alarm or it’s not gone off for some reason, there’s been an accident on the motorway or your bus didn’t stop...
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I Didn’t Think Anyone Would See
When Squidge was about a year old I went through a crisis with my mental health; something which I’d not experienced since the dark days of my pregnancy when I honestly couldn’t see how having a baby...
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Hate Is Such a Strong Word
I try not to use the word ‘hate’. I think it’s a word that, although overused, can still do so much damage, especially when it is used in the heat of the moment to try and wound someone deeply. I still...
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When I Told Him I Was Leaving
A couple of months ago I had a meltdown, which resulted in the collection of slowly fading scars on my upper arms. It also resulted in a few hours of me being absolutely convinced that I was leaving...
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A Day in the Life…Living with Depression and a Toddler
Living with depression has never been easy but even on the most difficult days the only person that I had to look after was myself. The only thing the Northern One ever asked me to do was still be...
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Today I Was Ashamed
Today I went work with the evidence of recent self harm on my wrist. Small diagonal cuts to the side of my arm. Long, straight cuts across my wrist. A large, obvious cross carved into the pale,...
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It Will Never Be Too Late
When I first found out I was pregnant, all I could think about was how having a baby here and now was not part of the plan. For months I railed against the unfairness of it all. I did not want to be...
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Addicted to Sleeping Pills?
I cannot remember the last time I found it easy to fall asleep at night. Most nights I lie awake for hours at a time, my body exhausted but my mind resolutely refusing to shut down and rest. Even...
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My One Chance To Be a Mother?
When I found out I was pregnant all I could think about was how this wasn’t something that was supposed to be happening now. I had so many things that I wanted to do and to achieve before I became a...
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Tommy’s Charity Awards 2016 – Mum’s Voice Award
This evening, after doing battle with Squidge over him getting ready for bed I finally got a few minutes to myself. I was somewhat confused but completely thrilled to receive an email from Tommy’s...
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Today I managed to take Squidge on a trip out of the house on my own. It may not sound like much but the Northern One has been working long, antisocial shifts and so I’ve spent a lot of time looking...
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